So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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