im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
