I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
