It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
