Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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