He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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