I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
