The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
