Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
