oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This is my gift to your gina
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
