We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
