My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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