how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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