Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
