you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
