The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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