im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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