she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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