im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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