i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
