So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
