just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
