I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
