you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
