I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
