Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
