I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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