Don't you send me to vm
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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