You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
