There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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