I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
