Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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