And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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