we have officially lost it.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
