In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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