Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
