You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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