my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
