Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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