uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
