just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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