I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
