If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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