nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
