just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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