I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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