I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
