Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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