you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
