Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
