It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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