NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
