Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
